And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
