I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
