I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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