i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize