marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
