Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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