I wish I only lived at night.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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