Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize