CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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