So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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