Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
