So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
