I have demons in me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
