Sry I called you an 8
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
