Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
