Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
