He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize