We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
