Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
