Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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