he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
