Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize