I molested 6 butterflies tonight
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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