By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
