did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
