I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
