If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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