dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
