remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
