Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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