Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
