Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
