It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
