New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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