pop tarts are not kleenex
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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