Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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