my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
