The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Randomize
