can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
