I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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