I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You ruined the universe
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
