Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
