We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
