Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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