My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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