maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
found the other keg... it's in the tree
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
