We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
