somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
