how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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