Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
