What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
