I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
