the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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