pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
