dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
