if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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