I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
