are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
