I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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