i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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