Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize