all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
