doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
