I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
