I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize