smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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