Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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