she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
