Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
