Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
