apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize