what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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