i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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