I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
