she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
