I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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