You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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