if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
