So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
