dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
