Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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