Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
