i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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