never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
