but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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