Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
