closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize