When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize