yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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