she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
