I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
