Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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