I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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