98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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