dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
