I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
