So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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