I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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