I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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