Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
