Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Are we still banned from the library?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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