I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
