Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
