A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
