the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
