if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
