I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
