you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the day after is always just damage control
It's just like the Real World with babies
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
