I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
