Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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