Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
