i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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