please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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