I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
