um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
