I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm too high and old for this...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
