Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
