porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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