Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
