did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
