"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
